Nicole, Deipnosophist.

This is the latest update on my weight loss challenge Five in Five.  I actually have less than three weeks to go so I may not reach goal.

I haven’t lost as much, and it’s mostly my fault.  After talking about how hard it was, and how I had to be really diligent with exercise, I basically ate a piece of cake the size of my head and then didn’t walk for six days.

But I’m back on track, and walking in the bloody heat tonight.

I know that Oz is almost at goal weight, and Amy’s struggled a little, but she’s killing it with the exercise, so nicely done, everyone!

If you’ve been a friend of mine for more than 30 minutes, you’ve probably heard me joke that you should either move in to my house or move into one of the fourteen houses for sale in my neighborhood. It’s all funny except that I’m not really joking.

My family has always been my built-in support network. I loved living in a house of five people. There was always someone with whom to chat. That’s a good thing when you’re eight, have glasses and braces, and no good friends in the outside world. Oh, and did I mention I’m an extrovert? Very hard to be extroverted when you’re afraid to talk to mean kids. I think that’s why I feel this way: proximity feels good.

So now that I own a home in a place where I’ll likely live for the next 20 years, I’m busily wishing that my entire family and group of friends would move in. When a very good friend of ours sought a temporary place to live, we welcomed her to our home. I was frankly worried about the loss of privacy; however, we couldn’t be more happy. People ask me if it’s weird that she lives with us and I say “no” with a smile. We eat dinner together almost every night; we take walks or hang out while I clean the kitchen (or she cleans the kitchen and I put Ainsley to bed); we have toy fights where Ainsley’s (soft) toys go flying across the living room.

When the house next door was up for sale, I begged my sister to buy it. I won’t go into all the ways the stars aligned, but it’s a miracle that she lives next door.

Some nights, I carry a tray of food to their house. Sometimes I mooch dinner from them. We carpool to the grocery and have started trying to have Spanish-speaking lunches at a local restaurant. I’ve always wanted to have a relationship where we don’t have to make a fuss over coming or going. It’s not that I mind the hugging, it’s that I want us to be so close that we don’t have to. More like “oh, you. Here’s the tray I borrowed.” I knew it would be great to have her family so close but I didn’t know how everyday-wonderful it would be. I got to rock her son to sleep on Monday. The cousin relationship of the kids is blurring into siblingness.

I know I can’t make everyone move to my neighborhood, but I wish that I could.

As Oz mentioned on his blog, I challenged him to a weight loss bet.  No prizes, but hey, isn’t weight loss prize enough?

I’m really happy to report that I’ve finally lost that one pound that’s been hanging on for, oh, two months.  After going dancing and realizing that I’m out of shape, I decided it was time to step into high gear.

I’m eating fewer snacks, I’m back to being really good with my low-processed foods, abundant vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, and I’ve added daily 1K walks with a baby strapped to my back.  I’m planning to double the walk duration every week until I’m at 4-5K nightly.  Oh and sit-ups.  I realized that my gut is not looking any better by just wishing.  True, I did have my stomach muscles cut apart, but that excuse is wearing thin.  Wearing fat?  You see the point.

Pre-baby, I always fought 10-15 pounds.  I never let myself buy the bigger size of pants and I swear that’s what kept me from weighing 400 pounds.  Recall that I used to regularly eat, as a snack, an entire summer sausage.  I can’t believe my arteries haven’t already given out from all that saturated fat.  Even when I was thin, I wasn’t healthy.  I ate junk frequently and nearly never exercised.

Happily, Amy joined the fight and we’re all going to be keeping each other on task for the next six weeks.

So the challenge is on.  I weighed 149 as of Sunday.  I will be posting updates.  Who’s with us?

Infancy is such an amazing time. My daughter’s teacher, Khyati, commented to me how Ainsley’s brain is growing at an incredible rate. I agree. It grows so fast I think I can see the synapses firing and the nerves connecting.

Like being able to hear the corn crackle as it grows in the hot sun, I can see Ainsley learning. She will be cruising around her furniture, little hands on the edge. But the toy on the edge is just out of reach. She thinks, processes, and finally gets it right (the toy always ends up on the floor). Success! Two minutes later, she encounters the same obstacle. With a thoughtful look, she reapplies her solution. Success again! Watching the intense concentration on her face is a joy.

She took her first few steps before she was even nine months old. As I watched her, tears welled in my eyes. I saw my infant becoming a little girl.

And by little I mean tiny. Her weight, long an emotional issue for me, is trending lower. Her doctor is completely confident that she’s a healthy kid and my rational brain agrees with him. But when I see her weight is in the bottom 1% of kids her age, I have an irrational, emotional reaction that I’m somehow starving her. I had an epiphany of sorts a couple of weeks ago. My baby eats broccoli, cauliflower, parsley, carrots, brown rice, oatmeal, quinoa, applesauce, strawberries, custard, scrambled eggs, olive oil, whole grain bread, all kinds of summer and winter squashes, tofu, cheese, and of course, mommy’s good milk…she has a wonderfully varied diet full of vitamins and healthful fats. So what if she’s small? Her brain is growing. I started to feel really angry and indignant about it until I realized that the person with whom I should quarrel was me. Throw away the stupid chart, Mommy, and just love your baby.

Love her, I do! I relish our time together and try to give her freedom to explore. On the evening of her becoming ten months old, we went outside to play in the grass. The breeze was blowing in her growing wisps of hair and she explored leaves and grass. A little spider scurried through the blades and she watched intently. I realized that these are the moments. These are the ones where I’m not trying to teach her a skill or feed her a new food; we just are. We are. We are together and enjoying being in each other’s space.

These posts are going from bewildered to crazy happy to content with the thread of love connecting all of them. So I’m sorry for the sap but it’s the unvarnished truth.